I am writing this in the early morning of my birthday- New Year's Day 2013 in a lovely ski chalet in Niseko, Japan where it gets as cold as -20 C and snow falls regularly all through winter. I have been lucky enough to feel powder white show flakes on my nose and seen the glee on my children's faces as they play in the snow. I have had a lovely 40th a year ago in Perth with my family & a dear aunt & her family. I have cried with my loved ones upon hearing that someone who is most dear to us has cancer and we have rejoiced to hear him cope well with treatment and has exceeded odds & expectations. I have had many proud Mummy moments and have also helped wipe away tears when necessary.
I have then had several other parties with my fab sistas from our "still naughty at 40" sistas' club all year around from Australia to KL to Phuket to KL! I have laid in a Paris hospital bed, gratefully recovering from emergency eye surgery. I have despaired teaching young Cambodian orphans, wondering how to get through NGO red-tape. I have enjoyed quality family time with family members & friends who matter. I have also been quietly building...( to be unveiled soon.)
Early this morning, I received a text from an old & very dear primary friend wishing me a happy 21st! On the other hand, my dear mum, who still gives me birthday angpows, passed me one for my birthday today about a week ago. She reminded me that in Chinese years I would be 42! I refuse to have a joy luck argument with my Chinese mum & smiled. What is age but a number? I may be 41 today but if I keep myself healthy & happy, I could potentially look 21 forever! Having checked my dark circles, eye bags & fine lines, saggy belly, (or retina) recently, that might be stretching it a bit too far! But who cares!
I could be '40 forever' or 40+1 but technically & officially, I am middle aged.
So, as I examine & reflect on what could have been HALF my life, these things pop to mind. For those who are close to me, you'll know that I have had an absolutely fantastic though frenetic year of being 40 despite some upheavals. I have been truly blessed. I know it should cliche but you never know you are blessed until you realise what you have lost. And I lost the sight in one eye in July, 6 months ago due to a retinal detachment. And thankfully, I regained it through science & a successful surgery(ies). And we were lucky that we always have travel insurance, which meant my French surgical & hospital fees were taken care of. And countless other eye visits & procedures have been sorted out.
Some sad issues still linger in my mind, like the death of the gang-rape victim in Delhi & of females( & migrant workers) and children being subjugated & objectified & thousands of other injustices in the world- at work, in our country, globally. I can't single-handedly feed all of the poor, or educate all those who need teaching & love every stray animal on the planet but I can help by the little that I do within my own sphere.
So, on my birthday, as I reflect on what is truly important to me- here are some that truly stand out.
Health:
How do you know if you are going to have your retina detached causing you blindness, or that ache in your body or persistent cough could be something worse & more life-threatening?
To me one of my 2013 priorities is to get more sleep which is my main issue especially during term time. To continue eating healthily- which means balancing eating out & cooking in. Choosing my fresh fruit & vegetables carefully! Ensuring the family eats healthily & shop responsibly. Gosh -I truly sound middle-aged here. And mostly, to remain prayerful & spiritual in my own quiet way. And to exercise- walk & do yoga at least twice a week. To stay still. To breathe deeply.
Friends/ family:
I have been lucky to have friends & family who have been with us through thick & thin. My parents who are still healthy, happy & mobile travel often to KL to visit us & to offer help with the kids when need arises. The older I get, the more my parents matter to me. The closer we have become! We include them in every aspect of our lives. My sisters in Singapore whom I don't see enough of & miss terribly & extended family whom I love to bits. Cousins across the world. My dear English family. My girlfriends- you know who you are. Those I text or speak to often and even those I haven't seen in years, where we can just pick up where we left off! I have friends who will pick up my kids for me & bath & feed them. Friends who would take in our dogs & feed & walk them. Friends who offer to take our maid to church service. Friends whom I can send a text from Europe to take my maid grocery shopping in KL because my return flight was delayed & I was hosting a get-together with other dear friends on the day of my arrival! Friends who pray for me & with me. Friends who write & read with me and for me. Friends who send me personal emails to wish me early birthdays & friends who gently tell me if I have gone too far! You sistas truly rock my world! Thank you for being part of my world! X
Gratification in work:
I have learned that we could have as many detractors as we could supporters. Don't be angry about how others feel about you as you can't control that. Envy, jealousy, anger are for petty people. Stay in your zone, own it & relish it. I have learned to find gratification in the least expected areas. Work hard but smart. A nice word from a parent, a pat on the back, a positive email, a thank you & mostly when you get a warm hug or a nice word from those you least expect. Or finding out that an ex student is truly finding his own true path, or that student whose personal statement you helped read through and grafted with has been accepted into a university of choice. The day to day grime of dirty politics shouldn't matter. Learn to compartmentalise idiots, bigots & kiss-asses. Be happy at work. I lost it for a while to be honest, but I found my way back again & I have never been happier & more blessed.
Silence, Solitude, Selfhood:
My family is most precious to me but if I didn't keep myself sane, I'd be a crap wife, mum & sister & friend. Yes, retail therapy is still a wonderful form of therapy but those who know me better, know why I find peace & calm in the written word. Reading quietly. Writing poetry. Updating my blog. My time on my detox throne every morning is precious to me as are my hill walks up Kiara Hill on weekends & holidays. Quiet times. Me times. Down times. Travelling to far off places or escaping from the day to day rat race.
Meaningful dinners with girlfriends. Quiet chats with my sisters & aunts.
Faith & providence:
God- my constant Father. Prayers, praying & knowing His word. That keeps me & my family centred. Praying as a family & praying with the children & for them. My eldest- stoic & silent told me this quietly: Mummy, do you know I pray for your back & your eye every single night?
How touched I was as that truly is the best birthday present anyone can ask for. A gift of daily prayer. We pray but we don't profess to be pious or to convert others. Faith & providence to me are very important in my day to day survival.
Ageing( gracefully & fabulously):
How do I not notice the growing number of grey hairs on my head or the increasing number of beauty serums & anti-oxidant products on my bathroom shelf? Or that I need a cat nap to recharge a hectic day? Or the stiffness & aches? Don't even start on the reading glasses! The key is to embrace that and be happy with what I see in the mirror every morning. Let the stray grays be for now until I need to start colouring, and as much as concealers help, I can't reverse dark circles & eye bags & god-forbid, water retention! Sigh! Be happy though!
AND mostly, I'd like to say I have been blessed to have this truly wonderful gem of a gentleman in my life- my rock, my pillar & my best friend. My M. To stay together for 17 years and not wanting to kill each other yet is no mean feat in today's world! We work AT it, but I'd still like to wake up next to him in the morning, laugh with him at 1am in the morning over some inane thing and have him hold my hand while I wake up from surgery! I still make lousy coffee & don't serve him beer cold enough but if he still loves me for me after all that, I count myself pretty darn lucky! Plus he cooks and does the laundry while we are in holiday! Not to mention the number of "oh, that's a new dress?". This old thing? No, have had it for ages" moments that are enough to crack me up! And my 3 angels. Love you three forever and forever, my darlings! You complete me! "You'll always be my baby, & I'll always be your mummy!"
So on my 41st birthday, I am happy. To be. To see clearly. To be with my loved ones. To experience amazing things together- praying, laughing, crying, travelling, fighting, healing, working, agonising, exalting!
I am blessed. Indeed. Happy New Year!
Thank you for being a part of my life.
Love, light, laughter...
R xxx
1 January 2013
.
