10 LIFE LESSONS FOR MY DAUGHTER ON HER 13TH BIRTHDAY

Happy 13th Birthday, my darling first born

My dearest S,

As you turn 13, here are some thoughts from your Moops.

Not a day goes by without me reminiscing about what a cute baby you were to us, how you were born straight-laced, if ever there was a by-the-book new -born all at 8 pounds three ounces. Although we had a few 3.00 am Cranberries sing-along and cuddling- infused nights with you, you were MOSTLY a very easy and non-colicky baby. At two months, I would give you a 6.30am feed and go to work and you’d sleep till 11am and have the bottle that I expressed for you. And when I got home at 2.30; it was 2.30 clock out those days, you were ready for your next feed so it made leaving you for work much much easier to handle for a guilty working mum. At 4 months, you spat out the mashed papaya that I let you try, and at 6 months you did the same with banana and you NEVER ate these two fruits ever again. You olfactory senses must be so wired that you would reject my green apple breath kisses and tell me that you only LIKE red apples and I could only kiss you if I had eaten RED apples. When I took wee one year old you home on my own after your first Australian holiday by myself on the plane, you were so easy-going that I could watch 2 in-flight movies and you mostly just flipped through your books or played with your toy- Gino the giraffe. At Gymboree, you did not like the clown but you did all the right things at the right age, and are still pretty much the same now. At 3, you had a passion for animated Robin Hood and would watch it over and over and over again. Road trips with you to Penang and Singapore were a breeze. You would fall asleep the minute you got strapped onto your car seat and would only wake up when we arrived at our destination! That’s how you became a travelling nomad at such a tender age!

When you little sister was born, you embraced her with all your heart and soul and have been such a good sister to her ever since and for that I am so grateful for the immense bond you both share. With your little bro, you are always the sensible, sometimes bossy big sister but are well-adored by him.

Though you refused most fruits that were served to you, you LOVED any form of medicine, which made us nickname you ‘The Druggie’, and which made us compare you to Belly Boo who would spit out her medicine and who could not even be force-fed!

Now, you’re a tall, lanky 13 year old, albeit a bit too lean of a young lady with a ferocious appetite for sushi and steaks, with spectacular tresses; very serious about your studies and school achievements( still amazed at how you look at success criteria ladders and complete all your homework earnestly with full discipline without being told to), an accomplished ballet and tap dancer, debater, pianist, thespian of sorts, student volunteer and student council member and so son. MY darling daughter!

As you turn 13, here are 10 life lessons that I would like to share with you that you must never forget!

ON FAMILY Always remember that no matter how many friends you have, blood is always thicker than water. Family matters above all else. Honour your grandparents. Respect your parents at ALL times. Don’t give them lip for they always have your back and try not to hurt them with your words or actions. No matter what, family always comes through for you and always love your siblings like no other. Don’t ever be envious of your siblings for you three are all loved immensely and are different but remember that what you think they have and what you think you lack may not be the same thing so always be happy for them and love them unconditionally. Be generous with them, spend time with them, talk to them; be close, stay close! Organise family gatherings and be a thread!

ON FRIENDSHIP I see you now, and your close circle of lovely good friends who love you mostly for you, your laughter, your crazy jokes and your kind, sweet ways. But like all girls, there may be sometimes a tiny element of envy, of girls not saying or thinking nice things of you, or of girls gossiping about you. You will have many supporters and loyalists; and you may have some detractors sometimes. You will always know who your true friends are, so honour them and be loyal to them as they have been loyal to you. Don’t talk about them behind their backs and if there is anything negative that needs saying, say it to their faces in a gentle way. Don’t ever back bite. And stay away from taking sides. Remember your girlfriends are important and will be there for you when you are sad, lost or misunderstood.

ON SHOPPING & STYLE OH YES, girl, you were born into the right family with the right kind of Mummy who lets you indulge in your love for clothes, bags and shoes. We’re women, girly girls and why not? If the dress fits, buy it, if it makes you look good, get it. But only if you can pay for it yourself. In cash. BUT NEVER ever go into debt shopping; don’t borrow and never hoard. ONLY BUY WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD! Fashion comes and goes and sometimes, what was fashionable 12 years ago may come back, who knows? Buy wisely! Don’t always go for cheap and cheerful and invest in ONE BESPOKE very good pair of shoes, a stylish little black dress and A VERY NICE handbag. Classic pieces last a mile though dispensable fashion may be fun. Accessorise but NOT too much. Keep your make up subtle. Sorry your Mummy was not born to do eye make- up and is still not very good at it. But you already have beautiful eyes and you don’t need too much makeup to look good, for you are beautiful au naturel. Don’t become too self-conscious and LOVE LOVE LOVE yourself! Smile with your teeth and OWN your style!

ON BEAUTY Beauty is the eye of the beholder. We love you soooo much and we think you are beautiful. And you are. But don’t confuse beauty with vanity. It’s great to look good but beauty from the inside transcends everything else. Smile genuinely. Use kind words. Be generous, be sincere and always be good to people. But never be a pushover. Speak up and always protect yourself. Love your friends and family for their inner beauty. Beauty can be found in good deeds, genuine friendships, a pat on the back, a kind word. That’s karma in beauty. Glossy, air-brushed beauty is impermanent and superficial. Don’t fall for that kind of superficiality. But don’t let yourself go either. Dress up, if you must though it’s much better to be GOOD INSIDE! And in the words of Baz, WEAR SUNSCREEN!

ON LIFE in general Like any paradox, life is as beautiful as it is is hard. School will get harder, friendships may get complicated. Your relationship with your parents and siblings may change. Things many not go the way you want it to go. You will start to find piano a chore if you haven’t already. You may love Science and find it like water on duck’s back more than English. You may suddenly be interested in poetry or current affairs, OR God forbid K-Pop! (But thank heavens you were born so sensible that you didn’t even have a Justin Bieber or a One Direction phase, so I’m, just waiting with bated breath for the Goth phase!) DON’T sweat over the small things. Study hard, work harder. DREAM BIG! Never under-estimate the power of a sound education and your network of friends. Travel. Reflect! Breathe deeply. Work hard, be honest, play hard, STAY HEALTHY- eat well and exercise, sleep sufficiently and rest loads and remember that every day is the best day of your life. Don’t waste it on negative thoughts. Keep yourself busy with meaningful activities. Do charity, reach out and give, give, give. Innovate. Laugh a few times a day! BE HAPPY!

ON TECHNOLOGY The world does not owe you an S4 or a Iphone5. You don’t have to own one because your peers have one or the other, or both. You’re lucky to have a roof over your head, and a laptop that has a battery that runs out the moment you unplug it and your mother’s old iphone. No, it’s not because your parents didn’t have their first clunky mobile phones until they were in their 20s and that they don’t actually own smart phones till very recently or that they can’t afford to buy you one. Just because there are crazy people( like your mum) twitting, facebooking and instagramming everywhere, you don’t have to be like them. You have access to the family ipad, imac, kindle and your dad’s Samsung phone and frankly, that’s plenty. Yes, I know it’s cool to own the latest technological gadgets but I firmly do not believe in handing it out to you on a silver platter. As quickly as these gadgets become de regueur, they fade into obsolete-ism sooner!

ON BOYS! Oh yes! I remember you laughing at me when I asked you about boys 18 months ago but now that I know that there are boys who heart you, it’s sent your daddy off the rails and Mummy is now on the look out on the school corridors! Poor, poor boys! They will like you, they will act sincere, interesting, silly, goofy or awkward. They are boys. You need to separate the boys from men. Enjoy the puppy crushes but don’t take them seriously. I once had a crush on a boy on my bus whom I though looked like Ralph Macchio and even spying on him made me weak. I chanced upon him on Facebook lately. And he certainly hasn’t aged like a Karate Kid should, so, while young crushes and boy attention are flattering, concentrate on the bigger things in life- like the famine in Africa, the labouring children in Pakistan or the dying pygmy elephants in Borneo. And don’t waste your first kiss on someone lame! Frankly, though, first kisses are over-rated; for Mummy doesn’t even remember her first or with who? Oh dear!

ON SEX Yes, I will talk to you about sex even though I am an Asian mother, and it is mostly not a done thing but I will buck the trend. You are only 13 and there will be hopefully a few many many MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY good years to go before you have to make a decision about sex. And everything that comes with it. This is more serious than a FIRST KISS. As your mum, and a fellow female, I want you to know that there are always options for you. Abstinence is an option. (Haha. I tried, didn’t I?) But should the decision have to come, you can always talk to me, your mummy about it. Fat chance, I hear you saying. Keep yourself safe and protected. Know that you must be loved and respected before you even cross that line with any boy. For any boy/men to like you, respect you for who you are, you must respect and love yourself first. That is the fundamental rule. For it to actually happen, it must be worth it. And it has to be worth it with someone meaningful. So experimentation is really a non-option. Nor is promiscuity. DON’T ever feel pressured by your peers. Respect your body, all aspects of it- whether your have big breasts, small hips good hair, smooth skin of not, it doesn’t matter. Love yourself and make sure you are loved before venturing into this zone. And always be careful and protected. And carry your rosary with you at all times! (What! Huh? Mum?)

ON LOVE Oh the clichés, like you’ll be head over heels, palms sweating, hearts beating…. I wish you love, of the splendoured kind. You will fall in love more than once; and sometimes you may even not be in love until later, as love can grow from LIKING A LOT and falling in love can be renewed year upon year. I do wish that you will find the kind of GOOD LOVE that your dad and I have found with each other. Cherish it, preserve it, work at it. Love is tough, love can slip easily away as it comes. Love comes with pure, unadulterated heart(hard)work. And when you do fall in love, it will be the most beautiful thing on earth but keeping that love will be even more precious, my darling.

ON FAITH

We may not be the most God-fearing family but we are believers. We believe that He lives in us and that in prayer, there is always faith. Always remember the teachings of the Bible in what you do and in what you plan to do for the rest of your life. When you are in doubt, He is there to lift you up. When you are happy, he is rejoicing with you. Never forget the power of prayer and never forsake the nighty prayer ritual that we have. Don’t let non- believers convince you that their faithlessness is more superior than yours. You can agree to be different but you don’t have to agree with them. There will be days when you will feel less faithful than others. Those are the days when He actually has you on his shoulders. You will find your way back into the Light and it will be alright again.

So, my darling born on the 4th of July babe, on your momentous 13th birthday, I wish you all these 10 wonderful things. I wish that your life ahead will be abundantly blessed with all the best things in life. I wish you good health and happy days. Even at your rare sleepiest grumpiest, you will always be my baby, and I’ll always be your mummy. I love you all the way to the moon and back and all over again.

Happy Birthday, Sammy Doll!

All my love always,

Mummity Moops xxx