Pre-surgery blues of a wonky-eyed girl

Pre-surgery blues of a wonky eyed girl

Image of a detached retina in the eye.

I don’t know which is worse, having an emergency surgery while on holiday in Europe, or planning for a scheduled one while working and in the throes of a tumultuous term filled with deadlines. I have had to tell all my classes that I will be away for about 2 weeks but they won’t be missing too many classes as they will be away at camp next week. Most of them are very genuinely concerned and very sweet. They have been accustomed to see me teach in my sunglasses for about 5 weeks now. But I had a 12 year old ask me with the brightest eyes, the most earnest of expressions and with the most pronounced Scottish accent- “Miss, what if the surgeon does something wrong, and makes you blind?” I had to laugh at that innocence, that honesty and that “Christ- kids do say the darnest things” statement! I told little A that I have every faith that I will be alright and I will be right back with my good eyes all, doing poetry in Jamaican accents and analyzing Blake’s Chimney Sweeper in no time. And if they were naughty, they’ll have lunch break detentions with me soon! My Year 12s were definitely more mature about my impending absence and they have assured me that the poetry assemblies we have planned will go ahead and they can be counted on to deliver them and they will be fine without me with them in Singapore on Camp Week! With my creative writing club, we have made a pact to write the scariest ghost stories and will meet again on Oct 31st to celebrate Halloween together! I told them I’ll have my ‘spying eyes’ watching their every move and making sure that all will be good. Of the 100 or so students whose lives I touch and whose lives touch mine weekly, many came by to wish me good luck, and told me they will be thinking of me with love & light. That’s really sweet. I have had loads of phonecalls from lovely aunts and concerned friends offering help and such. It’s such a different experience to my sudden emergency in Paris!

My own children told me that they have been praying for me every night. But they also told me that they are not worried as their mummy is very brave. My eldest girl is going to make me a David Guetta and U2 playlist with a little Baroque and Opera added in. My ever faithful rock of Gibraltar has cancelled all his appointments for tomorrow and will wait for me until my discharge from the specialist eye centre. He has not once failed to go with me to my countless eye appointments even though I said I can have the driver drive me. That’s pure devotion for which I am so grateful for. In sickness and in health.

As for the surgery itself although it’s a double procedure of removing the silicone oil and adding an intra ocular lense(IOL) onto my recently operated eye due to a cataract, it will apparently be routine, like going for a long eye examination. The nurse at the eye hospital told me that I won’t even get a bed to lie down after the surgery. I’ll get a sofa as I won’t be under GA or sedation. I’ll have local anaesthesia and was told to just bring a change of clothes. That’s good to know. As my eye centre is right next to my favourite mall in the whole wide world, perhaps I can pop over to the shops for a look after! ( kidding) I did tell the lady at Laura Mercier that I’ll be back soon!

Preparation for cover work for all my classes has been stressful. That means Julius Caesar lesson planning, IGCSE coursework and Susan Hill’s gothic novel analysis and reading assessments for the younger classes and activities that won’t mollify and muddle the cover/supply staff. I was even contemplating doing my surgery after a hard day’s work, i.e. after my favourite creative writing CCA on Wed. But I think that’s stretching it a bit too much. I should stop priotising work especially given the fragile state of my eyes. So, Thursday morning it will be.

Got to stay away from such fine eye work for a while after my double whammy procedure of silicone oil removal cum cataract surgery.

Last weekend, I treated myself to a foot massage and a facial, especially, since I won’t be able to have facial manipulations for a while. I didn’t bother with a pedicure for obvious reasons. You can never have nail varnish in an operating theatre.

I am a tad nervous but I have sought the opinion of my kind French ophthalmologist as well about this coming double surgery and I think I will be okay. This was after my frank discussion with my very experienced Malaysian ophthalmologist who was also quite blunt in his analogy of describing what my impending surgery will entail. When I asked, “Will you be making a big incision to drain out the oil in my eye or will you use the cannula irrigation method"? Answer: I’ll use a better finer method and try to drain it all out as much as possible and I will use the same incision to insert the news lense. My next question, What happens to the oil residue if any? Answer: They might form into clots or bubbles and become floaters. What? Why can’t ALL the oil be removed? It’s almost a catch 22- between silicone oil and gas. Both have their pros and cons, It’s like washing a greasy plate without detergent. Ok… (my brow furrowed?) You try to rinse out as much as the oil but you can’t guarantee it will all be removed if you don’t use detergent right? ( I started having an image of my eye going round and round a dish-washer minus the soapy suds and the oily residue doesn’t all come off. Not the best image to have before getting into surgery mode.

After having had ze best dream French medical treatment, it’s frankly quite a comedown, god-awful bedside manners-wise. No wonder, you pay for what you get. Private medical care in Malaysia is one of the cheapest in the world, and coupled with the MCP mentality of surgical demigods, I guess I’ll just have to manage my expectations. But I am sure my very experienced surgeon knows what he is doing and I really shouldn’t be doubting him. But goodness me, a little TACT would have been nice! For the surgeon, it may just be 'another day at the office" but for us patients, I think they forget that it's quite a stressful part of their lives!!!(Here I go in my “formidable femme fatale” mode again, as my better half would quip!)

This double surgery is not going to cost me the price of a Birkin bag but at least I’ll be 10 minutes from home. I may even take photos of the OT with my iphone since I am only going to be locally anaesthesised- again- kidding! I will have to learn to equilibrate both my eyes after the surgery as my untreated eye is still highly myopic. And the operated eye will hopefully attain the best visual acuity that it can be. And let’s hope that my retina will stay INTACT!

We shall see. But oh yes, I definitely have seriously mucked–up, bad luck eyes but I am still filled with gratitude. I am blessed. Right now, my adorable little boy is waiting for me to dance with him. So, wish me luck...

Wonky eyed girl

3 Oct 2012